Rituals Of Connection
Rituals Of Connection
There are many things you can do that can become Rituals of Connection. Hand grazing, matching steps, using essential oils. You will be doing things repetitively that will communicate to your horse that you won’t just be showing up every day and asking them to do something that will only benefit you. You will be, instead, communicating that you are interested in their company, for their company’s sake. This will bring you and your horse into connection and the social engagement nervous system.
A reminder of how to use this course: click on Mark Complete below and you will be taken to the next topic.
This was a great video. it also answered one of the questions I had about my new horse that wants to be in my space constantly. Pushing him away with finger pressure did work, and I plan to continue to do it until it clicks for him. He gets too close to me constantly and has nipped at my jacket sleeve. I don’t want to scare him away, but I also don’t want this to turn into a bite. He’s super sensitive to pressure and over-reacts to things, so I want to get this right.
IF HE’S NIPPED AT YOUR JACKET SLEEVE, HE IS TRYING TO CONNECT, SO ENGAGE WITH HIS MUZZLE.Oops, not yelling, I bumped caps lock.
Ann, thank you for posting this comment. I have a new young (for me) gelding who does this, too (nips at my jacket sleeve) and when I make a big gesture to get him out of my space (as I was previously taught) he rears (that was a new one – and my being a small person had me a bit shaken up). I could tell he was frustrated and it was making him anxious and me a bit fearful and that wasn’t a great place to be working from. That’s actually what brought me to Warwick – because I hope to have a long partnership with him and we definitely need to get this push/pull dynamic from the start for the sake of our relationship. Warwick’s comment on this was super helpful (he has a YouTube video showing this, too) in knowing I’ve come to the right place.
I have an extremely sensitive horse who is always alert to danger. After watching horse buddies in larger herds match steps when going to water, etc, I wonder if by matching steps we’re indicating to them that we are allowing that fraction of a second between foot steps to hear predators approach. It may be my imagination but I think that is very important to my horse and he appreciates that I understand the need for that.
That may be it.
How do you know whether horse is trying to engage with you and you play with muzzle or push away with fingers..?? I see Bundy as wanting to engage with you here but you’re pushing him away. I obviously missed the point somewhere?
I wouldnt do that these days
That was great – I have a youngster and we spend a lot of time in the pasture together and he always comes and finds me when I’m cleaning paddocks etc…. looking forward to matching steps with him
When I got him he had never been handled and now he’s under saddle after 2 years – I’ve taken a lot of time building a trusting relationship – so appreciate these simple techniques , such as: match steps with him, sitting a chair and just being present – I think he’ll love it – me too
Great work
Hi there,
Quick question. When bonding while grazing what to you do when you ask your horse to move to a different place and they refuse?
Thats not bonding, thats asking. How’s the leading with energy. before there’s grass involved?
I was interested in Warwicks answer to this question for the Day 4 exercise, but it looks like he replied with asking how your leading with energy is – but that’s not until Day 18. Does he recommend to jump ahead and try that exercise for the horse refusing your ask to move while grazing?
Can you ask me the question on the relative video?
I believe I am learning and connecting. I have a 19 month old that is extremely curious and sensitive, inquisitive and smart. Darn that nipping was annoying. I did that finger pushing , and I also learned to NEVER MOVE MY FEET, thank you, Warwick. Seemed to go hand in hand. Even when I catch myself moving a half step back and so now I come back forward– he no longer walks into me and the 1/2 nipping has stopped as well! Until I watched a video of a palomino coming into a clinic I never realized I did it. Let his little bum run into me. I never had to recorrect it or anything on his end— he just said to himself- she isn’t moving. He never tried to bully or anything. It just STOPPED.
Hi! Lots of questions. I saw you said in the comments that you no longer push their muzzles away. My main horse often checks my pockets for treats which I do push away, but very often he comes up to me and kind of puts his forehead in my sternum, when he does that, I give him a rub and a hug. Also while grooming he turns to me (for some reason more to the right than the left) and asks for, well, smth, I hug his head and rub his neck. Sometimes we stand in a hug for a full minute. I hope that is ok.
He is definitely busy with his mouth, so when he is asking for connection with his muzzle, how do I “engage his muzzle”? Scratch his noze? Play with his lips?
The reason I am asking is because sometimes he moves around a lot while I am grooming or tacking. He is not trying to get away, he is just a very easily agitated and active dude (ASB/DHH cross, i.e. enegrizer bunny/freight train). So that moving around gets really annoying, and often he swings his side into me.
Am I making this behavior worse by being kissy/huggy with him? I try to be very aware of him walking too much into my space when we are on the ground, but when is close too close? Obviously when he puts his face in my chest, he is half a step away from me – should I not allow that? I let him be close but not walk into me and I stand my ground. What am I missing?
“so when he is asking for connection with his muzzle, how do I “engage his muzzle”? Scratch his noze? Play with his lips?”
Any of those are fine.
“The reason I am asking is because sometimes he moves around a lot while I am grooming or tacking. He is not trying to get away, he is just a very easily agitated and active dude (ASB/DHH cross, i.e. enegrizer bunny/freight train). So that moving around gets really annoying, and often he swings his side into me.”
Is he tied up while doing this ?
My question is
While working on building connection with my horses, do I stop asking things of them?
Is it ok, to spend some time building connection and in the same day then groom and lunge?
Or is it better for the next, how ever long it takes to just work on the connection?
I do things in order. I get the first thing solid before going to the second thing (and none of those things are grooming). Watch “whats important to your horse).
Hi, I’ve already previously (before joining this course tried hanging around and grazing /matching steps; I admit “a bit” so definitely lacks consistency. But my trouble is the anxiety of my horse: how do I manage to work on connection outside the pasture with a horse that has separation anxiety , in fact has a habit of being constantly hypervigilant, nervous about a lot and chronically disconnected to a pint where I may not be safe because he’ll jump at small stuff, go into 1000yard staring and stiffen up.. he doesn’t even notice I’m matching steps(sometime si just can’t because he’ll walk all over me, actually he just forgets I’m there at all and sometimes i don’t feel safe and I often take over his tension! He often stays tense a very long time and I can’t get him to relax unless he can see another horse somewhere.. so I don’t feel like his mind is connecting with me, he’s just connecting with the distant horse .. I hope you understand what I mean.. I suppose I need to work on the separation issue differently first before taking him out grazing? Thank you
This exercise is something you do where they live , and usually are reklaxed there. Does your horse constantly have separation anxiety? Or do you move him to a place that gives him separation anxiety and then try to start this exercise?
He’s already anxious when we’re just on the other side of his barn, so very much on his own turf, but where he can’t see other horses, so I can’t take him any further than that before it sets in. He’ll be alright with another horse around. So the first step would be to accept that “the other side of the barn” is already too far and “hang out” with other horses in sight then.
“He’s already anxious when we’re just on the other side of his barn,”
What do you mean “we”. Did you lead him there, or did he go there on his own?
Loving the content and organization of this course – thank you! Question about Matching Steps, my two mares are long legged for their height, while I have short legs. Matching steps with them while hanging out in the paddock is not a problem, but when walking somewhere with purpose I simply cannot do it, I end up looking like one of the “Ten Lords A’Leaping” from the Christmas carol. So is being present with them and matching pace enough in this instance?
Yes.
I have been matching steps with my horse for the past 3 days. I had done a bit of this in the past; so I didn’t spend a lot of time on it. I had gotten up to step 9 in this program and after a week of trying to create connection through change in focus and getting no results, I decided to go back to this exercise. The past 3 days I just turned him loose in the arena and matched steps with him. Every day has resulted in him laying down and going to sleep. Today was the first day he trotted in the arena, I matched his steps when he did. He looked at me kind of surprised when I did that. Shortly after that he laid down and went to sleep. He slept for about 15 mins and was disturbed by the noise of another horse so he jumped back up. He walked about 15 ft and dropped down again and went right back to sleep for another 20 mins. How will I know it is time to go back to trying the creating connection by change in focus exercise?
Id go back to it. Ive not ever had it not work. What part wasnt working ?
That was a really interesting video to watch, thanks. I have tried matching steps with my pushy gelding but he got quite anxious so I stopped and have been sitting in the paddock instead which seems to be working much better. My horse is very pushy with his head so I will try the finger push to the side and see if that works.
Hanging out with a horse creates more draw. If you have a pushy horse, hanging out with them will only make them worse.
Ah, thanks…. I have noticed it’s made him worse so I have stopped and putting some distance between us now.
One of my horses that I have had about 18 months now is still nipping at me when I am trying to halter him or work with him. It feels dominant, playful but possibly like I am hitting a boundary. He also likes to close the gap when I am leading him and nips especially when my back is turned …. do you have any tips beyond engaging with his muzzle? I have been trying this but it is not stopping the behaviour and I am having a really hard time reading this horse and I am not inexperienced but something is different with this one! :(
” when I am trying to halter him or work with him.”
Have you started at the start? Thats usually where this is taken care of.
Thank you for the reply! I thought I had watched all of the early videos but it could be that I missed one as there is a lot of material in here (which is a good thing!). So I will go back and look for haltering ones ….
Thank you!
Jo
What about using essential oils as mentioned in the article above ? I’d like to hear more about that !
You certainly could use them
Hi Warwick,
In response to the question below, you said you wouldn’t do that these days.
Could you clarify if you meant you wouldn’t push him away with your finger or you just wouldn’t push him away at that particular moment of matching steps?
How do you know whether horse is trying to engage with you and you play with muzzle or push away with fingers..?? I see Bundy as wanting to engage with you here but you’re pushing him away. I obviously missed the point somewhere?
I wouldnt push him away. There is one video of me doing that in the whole 800+ videos in the video library.
Thanks Warwick, my reason for asking was because I have a lovely boy who is mostly well balanced with the drive and draw but he can be a bit in my face at times when I’m in the stable, I usually just engage with his mouth and play till he gets bored and goes back to his hay but there are times when he can be a bit overwhelming with it, in which case I’ll usually just leave his space. I don’t like to push him away unless it’s really necessary but I also don’t want to be encouraging his pushing into me.
Thanks for your reply.
Do you have to be in such a small area with him?
Hello, I’ve been enjoying this course and look forward to the journey with my mare. My mare, (coming 10 year old Arabian), currently lives in a mid-sized pasture with 10 other horses. Once the grass is of sufficient height this spring, they’ll all move out to the larger pasture, but for now they have communal round bales.
Where is the best place to practice hanging out with her? In the pasture with the other horses, or should I move her to the corral on the other side of the barn?
If she’s in the corral, she can’t see the other horses and has separation anxiety. She paces along the fence, runs, kicks out (not at me, but it’s enough that I’m hanging out on the other side of the fence), and works herself into an anxious sweat. She came over to say hi and nibble grass stubble under the fence beside me a couple times, then went back to her pacing.
I’ve only done one session so far, should I keep trying with her in the corral or should I keep her in the pasture with the other horses so that separation anxiety isn’t an issue?
As long as its safe, in with the other horses is fine
is there a suggested range of time to spend on this exercise? Not sure if I am overdoing or underdoing. Thanks.
Until you see a positive change.
Thanks Warwick for the reply I don’t see how to reply to your comment. I meant more like about how long do you hang out with your horse 15 minutes 45 minutes or whatever feels right?
Its not a length of time thing, more a consistency thing. You are trying to show up without expecting anything
HI Warick – I’m doing the 30 day jump start in order and read some comments on the Day 4 exercises. Two questions please:
You replied to one question ” I wouldn’t push him away. In the 800+ videos I only did that once”. Sounds like you no longer recommend doing this?
Matching steps: I’m only on Day 4 and haven’t gotten to the Day 18 Leading with energy exercise – my horse drags behind me when I lead him. Any advise or should I jump to the day 18 leading with energy exercise?
TSM!
I would not recommend pushing the jaw away any more.
Im unsure why you are referring to day 4 and 18. Please tell me your situation
thanks for the reply Warwick I can’t see how to respond to it directly so I’m replying to my own comment. Thanks for the clarification on the not pushing away a mouthy horse which I like and am telling all my horse friends to try playing with their mouth instead of what I dread to see them do – strike their horse hard in the face, cringe. I referred to day 4 because thats where I am in the program and read your reply to one of the day 4 comments where you were asking how the leading with energy was going which is a day 18 activity.
My situation is I am a first time horse owner with 7 weeks under my belt now. When I lead my gelding he won’t keep up with me if I walk fast or jog. Do you have any advise? Thanks!
Yes, just wait, that part will happen easily when you get to run. But first we need to teach him to do it, which will happen when you get to the Leading With Energy. For right now, stick to asking yes questions.
Sticking to asking Yes questions got it thank you!
My 5 yr old gelding is constantly nuzzling and even licking me. I have started pushing his face away like you have been doing in this video. We’ve still got some work to do. However, I was sitting in his paddock on a stool, just “being present” and he was again constantly in my face, literally! My question is, that if I’m trying to make a connection and be present with him, do I have the right to push his muzzle away?? He’s never bit me, and he never has a threatening gesture, I believe this is his way of checking me out….or possibly he’s got some species identification problems and thinks he’s a dog????
Id let him engage with you
Hello! I have some questions regarding my (new to me) pushy and mouthy horse. I am a little unsure how to approach the day 4 exercises. He has strong draw – though doesn’t run me over – do you recommend doing the hanging out exercise outside the stall only? Also, he is very mouthy. I had been pushing him away with fingers, but the last week or so I have tried to engage with his mouth more and he seems to enjoy that, licks etc – but he escalates and yesterday he got me in the leg with his teeth! Not terribly hard, but still – I am worried about escalating. And of course, I had a big reaction to the nip. So, I am unclear how to set a boundary where I am safe but also creating connection. Do you have advice? He tests every day. Also I should say I have been up until now riding him 5-6 days per week. Thanks!
Just keep your hand between you and his mouth. If his mouth goes down to your leg, so should your hand.
Hi Warwick could the inhand grazing be done along with the hanging out or do the hanging out first then move on to the inhand grazing ?
It all helps.
I’m a new subscriber and I’ve been finding your podcast and these videos extremely helpful. I definitely have one of those pushy horses that exhibits foal-like behaviour and tries to bite in certain circumstances. She was fine when she was boarded elsewhere for a while this year, with a group of horses, but now she’s living at my home, with her mother, in the same paddock/run in shelter; I think being with her mom brings out her foal behaviour even though she’s five! Unfortunately there’s no way around this at the moment. I’ve been practising just spending time outside her gate, which is fine, but I still have to lead her and interact with her closely occasionally, just for day to day husbandry. I’m trying to minimize that while we work through the early stages of the 30 day jumpstart. However, I do have to lead her to and from the pasture. Today she decided to try to bite me. I try to keep distance between us when leading but she impinges on my space. In the past I would have asked her to back up when she gets too close, and I often lead her with a stick or a flag in my hand….but as I’m working through the Jumpstart I’m not sure what I should be doing in these situations. Any advice? I am trying to stick to the plan, but there’s no way I can get around leading her and that’s the time she is the most pushy. Thanks!
“However, I do have to lead her to and from the pasture. ”
Do you have to, or choose to?
If you have to, carry a flag and make sure she stays away from you, BUT, she may just be wanting to engage, and when that need is not met she might get pushy about if. If you solve the proximity issue, the biting becomes a non issue.
Good luck.
My older horse, Karat, had been leased to a woman for the past 16 months. I had not ridden in that time because I blew out everything on my left arm and shoulder. I could manage groundwork and long walks on the ground. However, Karat needed more. In August I started back with him but was having issues with him not engaging on the ground, avoiding me in the stall and spooking while being ridden at a walk. He had returned to the horse I acquired 12 years ago. I was frustrated and yes, I was angry. Then I saw this 30 restarts course. And, although I was frustrated, I knew this was what Karat and I needed. So, I have been incorporating this into our days. I am riding him 4 days a week and before we ride, I spend extra time grooming him. We also go for walks and or graze before riding. In just 7 day his entire attitude has done a 180. On non ride days we do groundwork and go for hikes. He now greats me at the door and is ready to start our days. I can’t wait to get further in this course and see where we end up. Thank you.
My horse wants to engage with me a lot when I am with him. He tends to be very chompy and can quickly get pushy when engaging with my flat hand. However, when I catch his muzzle and rub it with my hands, he almost immediately stops chomping and relaxes. In this case, do you think it is better to engage with him by rubbing his muzzle or is it better to just let him engage with my flat hand?
I think rubbing his muzzle creates
more positive changes faster, but I’m interested or hear your thoughts.
I think that is fine to do.
I have been hangng out wiht my mare she is 4 and has been unhandled up unto this point. she isn’t halter broken. At first she was loving the connection following coming to visit walking with me. I matched steps in these sessions as well. The first 3 days went amazing. but her mood and responses shifted, When I cam in the gate the next day she would crowd the gate shake her head and not even alow me to get in. I went in through a side panel and walked as i had before to the place i had been sitting previously. Now she has started running at me pawing her feet and jumping and kicking. I have seen her do this to the dogs to rush them out of her pen. Im not sure how to proceed because when she runs i have waved her back. She does this behavior when I am on the outside walking the fence line as well and now when I feed her. Im not sure how to read the behavior.
You need to respond to the horse in front of you. The going in an ahnging out if for when a horse is not that interested in you. So when that changes to “When I cam in the gate the next day she would crowd the gate shake her head and not even alow me to get in’< thats when you decide to noty go in, and hang on the outside of the gate until she looses interest.