Creating Connection By Hanging Out
Creating Connection By Hanging Out
Whether you’ve had your horse for a long time or they are new to you, Creating Connection by Hanging Out is a good place to start. Think of it like making friends. You will spend time with them without asking or expecting anything from them.
Depending on your horse’s living situation, this might look like: poo picking, reading a book or listening to a podcast whilst sitting (either inside or outside where they live) – depending on the type of horse you now know you have (day 2), you might stand, you might meditate, or journal. There are a lot of ways to create connection just by hanging out with your horse and this is a good starting place.
As with every step along this journey, you will need to use your discretion.
– Pick the best time to do this, if your horse needs to get his energy out and runs around a lot, of course you would not want to be in there with him.
– You know whether you could do this while your horse has food or other horses around, you will need to decide these things as well.
– There are probably several other factors that you may need to consider, that Warwick cannot anticipate, so you will have to use your discretion.
A reminder of how to use this course: click on Mark Complete below and you will be taken to the next topic.
I started my mustang by “hanging out”. I drank tea, sitting on a leaf of hay, and had several piles of hay all over the paddock. He ALWAYS chose the hay I was sitting on. I started offering him pieces of the hay I was sitting on. Pretty soon he was touching me and using the hay as an excuse to touch me. Then he forgot about the hay and just touched me. Then we touched each other. Then we took walks around the paddock together, matching steps or him following me. Then we stood together and took naps. Then I started giving him touch on his body as he stood around. It took just shy of a month to get the halter on and another week or two to even deal with a lead rope, but THEN everything was possible. The pattern was established and this will carry forth most likely!
Awesome work Maya!!!
Could one read aloud or talk to the horse while sitting in the pasture or should this hangout be silent?
That would be fine
This one is where I’m going to donkey Kong to after today Q and A with you Warwick. Thanks
I’m trying to figure out where to sit when it’s below zero with a foot of snow on the ground! lol
A chair will keep your bum off the ground
Warwick, excited to get started on this with my new young gelding. He’s not great at personal space so we will be doing this with me outside of his stall today (and for however long he decides we need to). Can I do yoga as my way of hanging out? I know it puts me in the right frame of mind (per your video above) but am not sure if the movement would be a negative or not. Thanks!
You could do that, but it may get him to where he’s not pushy when you are doing yoga, but when you are standing upright and approach him he may still anticipate being taken out, and be pushy.
Just try it and see.
good luck.
Cannot wait to give this a go!
My 18month old filly is on the extreme side of the draw-drive ratio so I get it, it is better to sit outside the fence. I have two questions;
a] She is very pushy and nippy, so do I sit far enough away that she cannot engage with me or do I let her engage with me and push her with my finger on her cheek when she gets nippy/too close?
b] What does success look like ? How do I know I am ready to move on and go into the paddock to hang out with her?
a. Stand far enough away she cannot touch you, but close enough that she wants to.
b. When you show up outside the fence and she shows no interest in you.
Hello! Does the horse have to be on his own or being with another horse in the paddock OK?
You CAN do it with another horse, sometimes that can make it more difficult though.
Hi again,
Thank you for for advice [ 3rd Jan post] – much appreciated
Well after nearly 4 weeks of sitting outside the fence Misty our 18 month old filly
no longer rushes over to the fence when I arrive. In preparation for the next step and going into the paddock with her I have being practicing increasing my energy to get her to step back out of my bubble. The first time I tried it I started by visualising her going backwards but no response, then I increased my energy and did what I considered a small jumping jack . The result was she reared up on the stable with ears pinned. Since then I have continued to lower my energy and have found that even if I go move from standing still to standing on my toes she will pin her ears and lunge forward showing her teeth!!! If I just stand still outside the stable she wants to engage but is always very nippy. I offer her the palm of hand which she aggressively scrapes with her teeth while constantly moving about trying to get the side of my hand.
I really feel stuck – what do you suggest ?
ps: I had an Equine Dentist look at her and there is no physical issue
You mention going into her paddock, but then you mention stable?
What exectly is her living set up?
“If I just stand still outside the stable she wants to engage but is always very nippy. I offer her the palm of hand which she aggressively scrapes with her teeth while constantly moving about trying to get the side of my hand.”
You not stuck, but you ARE going to stay at this spot until it changes for the better. Actually id go back to standing there but far enough away that she cant touch you
Hello Warwick,
Is it okay to do more than one hanging-out session with my horse in a day?
-Olivia
Sure is!
Hi Warwick,
I just wanted to follow up with my previous comment. Today I tried going into my horse’s paddock. He came to greet me as usual, but then left soon after I sat down. So I went into his paddock to see how that went. He didn’t come over for a long time, but when he did, he came over slow and relaxed, stopping maybe four feet away. Then he stretched his nose out to sniff my knee, and then tried to bite my knee, so I reached out my hand so that he could engage with my hand instead (before subscribing to the video library, I had watched all your YouTube videos about biting/nipping horses, as my gelding is very mouthy and learned about engaging with their muzzle). He engaged with my hands for a while but then ended up getting a couple fingers in his teeth. He is very chompy and quickly moves his head back and forth when engaging and sometimes I’m not quite quick enough moving my hands. Then he started getting pushy so I went back outside the paddock. Later I noticed blood blisters and a couple of bruises on my palms…he scrapes his teeth so hard. So I’m wondering, did I have the right response allowing him to engage when he came up to me? Do you think it’s too early to go inside his paddock? And any tips on protecting your hands when they engage with you?
-Olivia
Hi Olivia
With this horse I’d watch “What to do when they want to engage too much”. You have got him to the point to where hes not so eager to see you that he meets you at the gate and pushes into you, so that is a great start,
Hi Warwick,
Thanks! I watched that video and gave it a try with my horse. When he comes up to me, he’s already opening his mouth to bite and tends to get pushy. Walking right past him sometimes works, but usually, he reaches out to bite me as I walk past, blocks me by turning in front of me (which sometimes involves rearing), or just follows me and is right there behind me and in my space when I turn around. So I always end up outside of the paddock again. And he’s great when I’m outside the paddock! No pushing on the fence, he comes and rests with me and will leave for a while, then come back. I’ve practiced a few of the breathing exercises with him outside the paddock and we’ve had some lovely sessions.
Also, I should point out that in his living conditions currently although he is next to another horse, he isn’t in with any other horses and is unable to be out to pasture due to it being soggy from our winter weather. He does have a small paddock but it’s not big enough to run around in. So, no exercise with me not riding and working on the connection. His only outlet is me. Will that make a difference in how he interacts with me? I feel bad that he can’t go out to pasture and be a horse and isn’t getting exercise. I know he’s so happy when he gets to run and play.
Advice on next steps with him?
Thanks very much!
Olivia
” or just follows me and is right there behind me and in my space when I turn around.”
If you straight past their hip, you will end up with a horses length lead on them. Make sure you stop and turn while you still have that distance, dont wait until they catch up to you.
Thanks, I went out again today and made sure that I was walking straight past his hip, then turned around while I still had that distance. That helped a lot. However, when I walk past him as he’s approaching and I can tell that he is going to run over me, or if I try to walk past as I’m engaging and he gets too rough, he’ll rear up at me and block me from walking past him. A couple times he spun around and kicked at me as I walked past too. What should my response be when he blocks me? Do you think it would be better to move on to the Creating Connection by Change in Focus exercise so that I can redirect his attention with the flag? Or would it be better to go back to hanging out outside the fence? Thanks for your advice.
In that case only work with him through a fence
Okay, thanks! So does this mean if he comes over to the fence to say “hi” when I’m hanging out outside the fence, and he reaches out to me, I can let him engage with me? Or should I just hang-out outside the fence and just observe like I have been doing? Thanks! How will I know when I’m ready to go in and try hanging out inside the paddock again?
I probably wouldnt go in there until he longer comes over to say hi
What are next steps? I have one horse that ignores me for about 30 minutes, he will come up to say hi, when he decides I have nothing for him, he wanders off to graze and doesn’t return. Should I wait until he doesn’t come up to me at all before a next step? Either way, would a next step be ‘matching steps’ while he grazes? I might be jumping ahead but what does success look like after a few session of matching steps?
The next step is Creating Connection Through Change in Focuss
Thanks Warwick! I keep going back to earlier Steps to re-read content and the comments section. I really appreciate the questions that people ask and your responses.
I had another question – can I intersperse a ride in between days of creating connection – and then I looked at the Daily topics and number three is “Sticking to the Plan” so I’m assuming that’s a no – but please confirm. I wanted to post it here because it may be a question and answer that other people would find helpful.
Do you think that ride will add to your horses opinion of you, or detract from it?
That is a brilliant question. Thank you.
Hi – my 11 yo gelding has a bit more draw than drive. He lives in a stall so I prefer to hang out in the turn out where he has a choice to move further away. He will have a wonder around and then usually ends up mouthing whatever I’m reading and turns to looking like he’s going to naw on my knee. Would you hang out on the other side of the fence in this case, engage his mouth with your hands, or push his jaw away with a finger?
Id engage with his mouth
Hi Warwick, my horses live out to pasture 24/7 with herd mates only 3 in the girls pasture, can this still be done here or should I do this exercise in my round pen one at a time. They have separation anxiety especially sine two herd mates passed away last year, (old age, it was just their time) but I notice it affected my remaining 3 mares. So what would be my best starting point.
You can hang out with them out there.
I’m not certain if my 3yo and I are quite ready to move past this step and could use some advice on whether we’re ready to advance in the course.
I’ve actually been hanging out with him for some time now where I go pull weeds in the pasture (or try and hunt down his fly mask) or just stand in his stall, sometimes sit. I also sit outside his stall. He’s out on pasture with other horses in the afternoon until morning. In the pasture he’ll (usually) calmly walk up to me and check whether I’ve brought anything for him and after some scritches and me looking him over I just go about my business. He’ll follow a little ways and get curious about me pulling weeds but he always wanders off. In his stall he’ll come over to pester me for attention a bit unless he’s eating his grain but then he’ll go over and munch on hay and just check on me here and there. I have never been able to hang out with him lying down – he always gets up when he sees me and comes over to me. He will sometimes paw at the stall door when I’m sitting outside it and not interacting with him although he’s gotten better and mostly does this when there are more people around or horses getting tacked up nearby. It’s more like he gets annoyed he doesn’t have the option to physically interact at all.
He does struggle with personal space a bit still and can be pushy. He doesn’t knock me over or bite or anything but he’s still a bit inside my personal bubble and I have to ask him to get out which he is often reluctant to do.
You are certainly ready to move on.
My gelding share a pen with three other herd mates that don’t belong to me. Is it okay to hang out with all four horses or should I put him in the arena or round pen and hang out with just him? Thanks in advance
ou could hang out with all of them.
Sitting down the first day I tried this and my horse came to sniff my boots and then wandered off, the second day she came and gently rubbed her chin on my knee (I did nothing because it was gentle) the third day she used me as a scratching post for her butt ( I wasnt sure whether to drive her away but had read about spoiling the connection by driving) so I just stood up and walked away with my chair, the fourth day I forgot about the chair and just stood for as long as I could and she didnt rub on me she came over and stood next to me and slept so I thought that was great, yesterday I took the chair in again and sat for ages before she came over and when she did she just sniffed me and walked off so all good. My question is did I do the right thing by not driving on day 3 and just walking off? I presume I did by her not doing it again yesterday but thought I would check incase she does it again and I do the right thing next time or maybe on day 2 I should have reacted to the gentle rub on my knee to avoid the huge butt itch on day3? Thank you Warwick I am loving this course.
Yes, that was perfect! Instead of making a correction (driving) you changed the scenario (stood up). Great work!
Hi Warwick, my new mare is very aggressive around food time- once she’s been fed and is eating her breakfast/dinner in her bucket at the fence line, she pins her ears right back, stomps her front foot and waves her face at us to move well away from her while she’s eating. Is this something I need to drop judgment on and just allow her space to eat without us being near? Or something we should try to ‘correct’ and practice just sitting outside the paddock/hanging out near her while she’s eating, to see if it helps her get used to having people nearby at feed time? It’s tricky as I’m trying to help my 9 year old daughter understand the process too and to be aware that when she’s pinning her ears back and being aggressive in her demeanour, to stay well away. She’s been described by her previous owner as ‘alphamare’ and is definitely dominant in the paddock with the other horse in there with her (she kicks, bites her and drives her away from us being able to touch the other pony at the fence line too). Just trying to get a handle on the best way to ‘hang out’ safely and particularly when she’s pinning her ears right back at us. Thank you
One of the golden rules of horsemasnhip is dont do anything with them around food that they are not perfectly good at without food.
Okay great, thank you for this. I had just been watching one of your videos about dealing with pinned ears/negative thoughts when you’re trying to put a rug on one of your horses at night and she’s eating. You’d said you just put the rug down, go over and rub the neck until the thought changed (ears went forward), then pick the rug back up and try again and repeat until putting the rug on until eventually they no longer pinned ears back in response. So I thought it was worth asking whether we should be trying to change the behaviour while eating, so we can do likewise (put a rug on etc while feeding). But she’s presently okay to put a rug on not at feed time, so I’m going to take from your response that if she’s perfectly good at it other times, not to upset the apple cart or work on this behaviour at food time. If she pins her ears at us outside of food time (which she sometimes does in the paddock at the fence line when we’re saying hello), is this something we should work on (ie by trying to rub her neck perhaps), because it’s unrelated to food? Big thanks, I’m finding all of your training so invaluable.
I doubt I would have said that. I would not suggest doing anythung like that while they are eating.
I sat on the ground in the pasture with my horse and herd mates and played my ukulele and sang. The horses were so curious and came over to check it out and then went back to their hay a few feet away. It was so relaxed – me strumming and them munching. Wait. I hear a song in that image 😊